There aren’t any good single males left living in New York City. As far as I can tell, everyone is telling us. And when Deanna* relocated to the city in the late 2021 and was able to see if there was any truth in the claim. Being single since their boyfriend for 3 years split with her via Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was during this time when a private Facebook community known as Do we Dating the Same Guy NYC came up as a suggested follow. The group was characterized by a lengthy preliminary screening survey and community guidelines that were a bar to entry. It had 43,000 members strong. Deanna was interested, and she joined.
The community
The group-which was established with the goal to assist women in determining whether their love interests were actually seeing other people-was started in March 2022. Nearly every major US city has a similar organization today and the rules for everyone are simple: Everyone can make posts anonymously, there’s no doxxing or releasing sensitive information and in no way can screen captures be removed from the community. No bullying, no victim blaming or hateful remarks. Never let a man know that he’s been a member of the group. Following the scandal incident of West Elm Caleb, a man with whom many women from New York shared negative dating experiences and connected the dots online, it seemed like a lot of women were searching in search of a way to check out others like him.More Here datingfortodaysman At our site A TikTok user noted when the incident occurred This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
This is pretty much what this group had become at the time Deanna joined. Every iteration of Are We Dating the Same Guy acts as a centralized place for women who seek advice on their relationship or make a statement about the men with whom they’ve had bad dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is the practice of sending them other women to lure them through social media, has also become a norm. It’s not difficult to slip into a rabbit down a rabbit hole of screenshotted Hinge profiles, tales of failed hookups, and memes about the woes of modern day dating. A lot of the most popular posts consist of photos of men who have his first name, and asking the question of whether anyone has been matched to or dated the person of interest. Red-flag emoji are a frequent sight on sparse yet alarming messages warning users of a former lover or a bad date frequently accompanied by a downward-pointing arrow and the scary words See comments for more info.
Online dating has dominated the scene in recent years the last few years, with one research finding that nearly 39 percent of heterosexual couples had met their loved ones online. It is therefore logical that the social aspect of romance should be modified to fit the current digital age. Instead of chatting with some of our friends over a drink, or discussing the issues with coworkers, we’re now seeking the counsel of four thousand women who are experiencing similar-and sometimes even the exact same experience.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie who is a group member. Not to say that there’s not benefits however it was useful for me in terms of reframing my perspective on dating. There’s nothing to do among women. It’s holding men to a more high standards than what I was used to before.
It’s not lost on me, however, that some of the behavior which is promoted and facilitated through Are We the Dating the Same Guy could be alarming if it was displayed by potential suitors. Photos, details of private conversations, and screenshots that are posted with no consent or knowledge are abundant. People look up social media profiles on an almost daily basis. It’s not difficult for a person to be called hot. Although Deanna likes being part of the group, she does have some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she declares. But I’m afraid you’ll have to deal with the fact that it’s like an echo chamber of ‘Men have forced us to do this for so long, now we’re willing to give it back.
Today, we live in an era of patriarchy
We still live in an oppressive society. Until we’re truly equal on the internet, these interactions will have different reverberations depending on the person’s history. Yet, can a group like this be vigilante empowerment on one side of the coin and reprehensible and inhumane on the other? Are We Dating the Same Guy? Is it hyperlocal and interpersonal-only really useful for those who live, and even date within the city that the group is based in. The women, as well as the people they talk about can be your neighbor as well as a coworker, friend family member, or the most recent Hinge match. It’s the depersonalization that comes with operating on the internet, which makes it feel like an online game. It’s not too far to suggest that this is an insult on the dates that are part of each group, particularly when the details of private conversations, personal interactions, and even photos are shared without prior consent or knowledge, but often in the name of entertainment.